Chapter 1

December 25, 1997
Merry Christmas Diary. My husband Trent gave you to me as his Christmas present to me, along with a diamond ring. He said since I wanted to be a writer that I should write, and write. What can I say about Trent? He was my hero in grade school. We met as I was being kicked around because someone decided I should not have any friends. He asked me why didn't I fight back and I answered that it was too hard to fight everybody at the same time. He was always the one person I could trust completely. We eloped last summer in Las Vegas when I interned at a movie company in California. We have mothers longing to break us up and I fear someday they will get their wish. I am still in school (Mother insisted) in Wisconsin while Trent quit college after I became pregnant with our 2nd child. His mother said she is not raising his kid anymore if he is going to have more. He works a job he hates to feed our daughter's face and I highly respect him for it. I stay in his apartment every school vacation and am trying to sell the rights to a movie script I finished this summer so we can buy a house. I want my daughter Lacey to have to the best in life, 2 parents who love her very much and a place to call home.

I better go diary, I hear Lacey calling me. I plan to engrave my new diamond ring with "I Love Trent". Yours truly, Michelle Tyler


December 27, 1997
I took my ring in to be engraved today. Yesterday was a nightmare visiting my in-laws with so many questions. How did we meet? When are we getting a house? When are you graduating? I can't be too mad at their curiosity, I am the new girl in the family. Mother was upset I engraved the ring because it won't sell if we get a divorce with Trent's name on it. I have no plans to get a divorce. Mother wanted me to get a prenup signed before we eloped, but I took care of things with my new will. I got the first will when I was hit with a brain tumor that was shrunk with radiation and removed when I was a teen. I wanted to make sure my Barbies went to my nieces and my ballerina jewelry box to my sister. My new will I made after we married states that my children get my possessions and my husband gets the insurance money (I had a life insurance policy since I was a kid). Next, I placed guardianship over the children and a clause if I became incapable of taking care of myself that I wanted Trent to take over my finances and property. None of my bank accounts have his name on them because Mother refused to let me add him to my accounts since her name was already there. The battle over my independence rages on.

Yours truly, Michelle Tyler


December 28, 1997, well technically the 29th
My Darling Michelle. It is 2 A. M. and I find myself writing in your private diary. I'm sorry to be writing in this, but you must allow me to explain that you are in a hospital tonight in a coma. We had a fight today over our stressful living arrangements and I begged you to leave school permanently. I'm sorry I miss you so much. I admitted to sleeping with somebody you know out of loneliness and you ran out the door crying. Screeching away from me, you lost control of your car and hit a tree a few miles away. A friend called me to say my wife had been in an accident in his front yard and an ambulance was on the way over. I sprinted over to discover you didn't know who I was. I held your hand and asked if you knew your name. You did not. You said a rabbit startled you and you skidded after jerking the wheel, but you could not recall anything before that. You went into labor with our twins and the paramedic could not get there fast enough to our liking. I was afraid of another miscarriage, but Juliet and Nicholas were born healthy. The paramedic ordered you to stay awake, but you passed in and out of consciousness on the way to the hospital. You are in the intensive care unit right now sleeping like a baby.

Your husband, Trent


December 30, 1997
There is a God, you woke up today. I want to keep a record of your progress so you can read it later and understand why I am about to betray your trust. I got a letter from a movie producer who wants your script. I explained the situation and he said he would visit you first before writing a check to me. Your will granted me the rights to your belongings to take care of our children if you became an invalid. You can not speak or even move your fingers to touch me. Your mother dropped by and kicked me out of the room. I'm sorry my love, but I got a lawyer to fight your mother contesting your will. We will go to court in January if I must to get your money and scripts out of your mother's tight grasp. You also have a couple poems I want to turn into songs. They are very good.

I'll write about you later Michelle. Juliet and Nicky came home today. I have my good friend Lauren helping me take care of them. She warms bottles and changes diapers so I can get some sleep. Thank goodness she works as a bartender so I can get my manufacturing job done before she leaves for work. Love, Trent


January 2, 1998
Round 2 with your mother. Today I managed to strap you into a wheelchair and take you out for a walk out in the courtyard. You scream like a banshee and I see the frustration in your eyes. You can sorta grab things and been given a computer to communicate with. Your mother insisted you do not need any therapy for your brain damage, you just need a week to heal and be back to your old self. You still look at me as if you don't know me, but I will keep trying. I love you. Trent


January 5, 1998
A miracle has happened. A nurse came to me ecstatic that you keep pressing a button that says hello and then you try to imitate the computer voice. I am still fighting with your mother over whose insurance will be covering your expenses at the hospital. You are both on my insurance and your parents'. Your mother is in denial that you have severe brain damage that needs more than rest to cure. You need physical and speech therapy immediately. God help me, but if I must go behind your mother's back to get you the help you need then so be it. I want my Michelle back home with me. We are going to court soon. Your mother never gives up control without a fight. I can see why you stayed in college when you desired to quit. Love, Trent


January 8, 1998
Our first court date had arrived in the bitter cold. I presented your will and our marriage certificate to prove I should be deciding your care while your parents provided testimony on your amnesia and being with me would only confuse you. You may have amnesia darling, but you recalled my name after I told it to you. What can I say to defend myself other than your face lights up when I walk into the room. Everybody I know says to leave you behind because you can't recall we are married, but you can learn what you used to be like. I sneaked in a speech therapist to work with you and you had a visit with a nurse for practice brushing your hair. You kept dropping the brush, but kept at it. The fighter in you has not disappeared, only your memory. Now you can't even remember the accident or the days afterwards. Neighbors have taken to placing flowers where the accident occurred. I placed some red roses you love so much at your tree to remember the wife I know for sure I have lost. It is getting harder to write in your journal, but I need to keep hope alive of your coming back home to me. I have not given up yet my love. Trent


January 12, 1998
Dear Mommy, Daddy won. We get to keep you with us when you come home. Daddy got the check from your story and we are looking at pretty houses for you. Daddy gave your diary to me today because he is staying at a hotel next to you. Yesterday you got to tell the judge that you can't remember getting married and think you are 12, but you are afraid of living with Grandma and Grandpa. Grandma cried when the judge told her that Daddy has custody of you and ordered his name on all your bank accounts. Everybody says what a nice lady Grandma is, but she is never nice to us. Daddy had you moved to another room in the hospital where they have all the exercise equipment to practice walking with. Daddy won't let me see you anymore because you get so upset and confused when I call you Mommy. It's too weird to call you Michelle. You're my Mommy. Anyway, Daddy says you struggle to stand up, but take a few steps before falling down. Daddy tries to keep you walking, but you give up so easily. You must be very sad you can't walk. Love you Mommy, Lacey


January 14, 1998
We got on the Oprah Winfrey Show today. You were strapped to a wheelchair because you still have trouble sitting up for a long time. You stuttered out a few words, but Grandma did most of the talking. Daddy just sat there holding your hand. Oprah asked me how I felt about all that's happened. I told her that it really hurts not calling you Mommy anymore and everybody in the family is fighting what to do with you. Why can't they just stop fighting and make you better?, I asked her. Good question, she answered. You showed Oprah your progress walking a few steps. You looked like a Wobble Weevil toy and Daddy scolded me for laughing at you. Don't worry Mommy, you will get better soon. Daddy says you are coming home tomorrow. I can't wait to fall asleep so I can wake up to you singing in the shower again. I love you Mommy, I mean Michelle. Your baby, Lacey


January 15, 1998
Wow, I have a diary. I read this book that Lacey gave to me. It is so hard to remember things people tell me. I'm not 12 anymore, I'm 22. I'm married to Trent, who isn't 12 anymore either. We have a daughter Lacey and twins at Trent's aunt's house. It feels so weird looking at my things around the house, like I'm looking through a stranger's belongings. There is a painting of Hansel and Gretal gazing upon the witch's gingerbread house at the top of the stairs that Trent says I painted in high school. There are dolls along the living room wall and one has a green dress I remember getting from my Grandma as a little girl. Lacey says I gave her the green dress to remember that I love her when I was away at college because it was my favorite. That part I can remember. There is not much to report today. I just walked around the house trying to find something familiar. We looked at photo albums and I can't remember anything in the pictures. It is strange that there is another girl in the pictures Trent says is my daughter too, by another man. Oh my goodness, what kind of person did I become? Write in you later diary, Michelle

January 16, 1998
Oh my God. I don't know where to start. I cooked toast and poured orange juice for little Lacey when a lady came to the door and dropped off a girl I saw in the pictures yesterday. Her name is Danielle and she is my other kid. This lady didn't say who she was or who Danielle's father is, just that Danni wanted very badly to see me. I gave her a hug and finished our breakfast. Danni cried how sad she was not being allowed to visit me in the hospital, her Grandma would not allow it. Her father doesn't even know I had been hurt because he is far away in college and never calls. The poor girl had to talk her babysitter into coming here, she is a friend of Trent's and her father's. She had to come because she has nobody to talk to about me. She misses me at college, but her Grandma won't let her call me. Now that I'm here, she wants to visit more often. I call her school to explain my memory problems and asked if my daughter Danni could get counseling to deal with her sorrow from my not remembering her. I get placed on hold to hear someone say there is a psychopath on line one. A sweet lady answers and makes the appointment with Danni tomorrow. We wait for the babysitter to come back when the police appear stating I kidnapped Danni and that the school called them. What?? Lacey and Danni explain I just came home from the hospital yesterday, but the police remain silent writing everything they say down. They let me call Trent at work and left a message that the police are at our house. He explains I'm so dysfunctional I can't tie my shoes and can not have possibly kidnapped anyone. He says he will go to the school with me tomorrow and get family counseling with Danni. I'll tell you how it goes. Michelle

January 17, 1998
We all went to counseling today. Trent, Danni, Lacey, and me sat in chairs and told the counselor about my accident. Most of my family are in denial that anything is wrong with me. I just got a bump on my head. My friends are afraid to call me because they don't want to confuse me anymore than I already am. Trent said I forget things from one day to the next so he isn't sure what to do with me. His friend Lauren was suppose to help take care of the twins, but then went psycho on him when she heard I was coming home to him. I think somebody had a crush on Trent. Now they are at his aunt's house until I can take care of them better. Poor Lacey practically takes care of me. I try so hard to be normal but I it is impossible. I wish one friend would come out to save me. Danni has been assigned Mommy time with me under strict supervision with a teacher at the school. Danni's Grandma insisted I was just crazy and said she visited me in the hospital to prove I was fine. Trent said she yelled at me when I didn't answer her and untied the restraint on the wheelchair causing me to fall out onto the floor. He did his best to keep her away from me. She never brought Danni because I couldn't recognize people and she didn't want Danni to get hurt from that. She is hurting now. We played on the playground equipment with Lacey and Trent, under counselor supervision. The lady agreed I shouldn't be left in charge of the girls for long periods of time from my forgetful nature. I have good news though. My sister announced a visit and will teach me to run a house. I need all the help I can get. Later Diary, Michelle

January 18, 1998
My sister Marie came over to teach me laundry, cooking, and sweeping. Lacey helped with dusting and dishwashing. There is so much to remember I don't know if I can do this. We went to the park and spent Mommy time after school with Danni. Marie finally told me who Danni's father is, my childhood friend Weasel I have known since the first grade. Now I understand everything. Weasel's mom is the most transparent phony I ever met. Sure she is sweet as apple pie when you meet her, but the bitch from hell if you try to mess with her little boy. I remember her tweaking over my May Day basket in the second grade. My Mom thought she probably was angry because he didnÂ’t give me a basket. ThatÂ’s was ok with me, real friends donÂ’t demand things in return. A simple thank you is enough, like the one he gave in the window when he saw me come to his door. I usually didnÂ’t know who gave me May Day baskets anyway, it is suppose to be a secret.

Anyway, I got a call from a friend whom Trent called to tell me she was happy I was alright. She said her name was Hazel but works under a different name. She gave the impression she was rich and famous by saying there are pictures of her everywhere. Trent said I stayed at her house in Malibu during my internship and she flew in my nieces to be flower girls at our Las Vegas wedding. She is one of the witnesses who signed our certificate. We must have been close. I wish I could remember her too. I asked if we could meet and she said no, the shock would be too great for me to handle well. She asked who my favorite celebrity was. I said Madonna because she goes after what she wants and lets nobody get in her way. I want to be like that. She said maybe she could arrange for me to meet Madonna someday, but not making any promises of course. Tell you later if that comes true Diary, Michelle

January 19, 1998
God must hate me today. Marie took us shopping so I could learn how get all the ingredients I need and what needs to be constantly supplied, like milk. Next we shopped for shoes for Lacey. We come back and put everything away. Going up to Lacey's room to put her old shoes away, I caught Trent in bed with Lauren. How could they do that to me? They are suppose to be my friends. I knew Lauren since Kindergarten. Marie cussed at Trent and Lauren ran out of the house. Trent said I'm like making love to a kid from my brain damage. Lacey is crying in her room convinced she is never seeing me again cause I will get into another accident like last time. I want my Mommy. Michelle

January 20, 1998
I am back at Mommy's house today. While Trent was at work, I packed my things and left. I am not staying to be hurt again. Marie told me what was mine and what was Trent's. Poor Lacey went to Trent's aunt to visit the twins. I promised she would see me again and took a picture off the wall of her feeding ducks. It feels so strange walking into my parents' house again. Things are not the same as I remember. Mom has a quilt on the wall where gold decorations were and a coin collection on the wall holds a large picture frame Dad made of old pictures of us kids. I look at photo albums again and again trying to jog a memory. Marie stays going through my things in attempt (I think) to encourage memories, new if not old. She shows me my coin collection along with things I saved from my grandparents' house after they died. There are old books, wall decorations I remember, stuffed animals, and a candle in the shape of a cheese wedge with tiny plastic mice peeping out of holes in the wax. I go to bed feeling like I'm in a coffin waiting patiently to go to heaven. Why has God forsaken me? I badly need a friend to help me be normal again, but no one will help me. They all expect me to be someone else. If they want the person they knew before, they should write a script for me to follow. I can't remember who I was before. She is a total stranger to me.